Crucial Conversations

Customer Reviews

• Tools for tough times  Nov 7, 2009 (75 of 75 found this helpful)

  I think the skills taught in Crucial Conversations are pertinent to everyone who needs to communicate better, and the light-hearted, engaging tone the authors use gets their points across clearly. By breaking down the tactful steps that must be taken along the way to a successful dialogue, the authors help us to develop better strategies for getting what we want.
  
  We all face situations in life where things are tense and saying the right things is critical. This is what the authors call a "crucial conversation," as opposed to a casual discussion. Crucial conversations happen between two or more people when opinions vary, stakes are high, and emotions run strong. Whether you are approaching a boss who is breaking his or her own policies, giving feedback on a colleague's work, or talking to a team member who isn't keeping commitments, keeping the conversation productive can be very difficult.
  
  The main technique the authors teach is the talent of dialogue. This is the free flow of meaning between two or more people. People who use this technique are able to find a way to get all relevant information from themselves and others out in the open and make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool. These people try hard to ensure that all ideas find their way into the forum; and as this "pool of shared meaning" grows, it helps people by exposing them to more accurate and relevant information so they can make better decisions.
  
  The book also offers a series of tools for understanding how we think about and prepare for problem situations. They posit that people must learn the skills of talking, listening and acting together, and must remember that successful dialogue, "Starts with heart." They suggest you begin high-risk discussions with the right motives, and then stay focused no matter what happens by knowing what you want. Never lose sight of the fact that the only person you can directly control is yourself. To stay focused on what you really want, pay attention to your motives whenever you find yourself moving toward silence or violence. Clarifying what you don't want will help you find healthy options to bring you to dialogue.
  
  Since dialogue calls for a free flow of meaning, fear can kill the flow of meaning. Much of the book is focused on watching for negative emotions, like fear, that can derail a conversation. Since the book is about recognizing and navigating crucial conversations, it doesn't do much to help you learn to manage your emotions and the emotions of other people to keep a conversation on track.
  
  I just came across a new book that teaches you how to manage your emotions, as well as read and manage other people's emotions, and it's the perfect companion to CC. It's called: Emotional Intelligence 2.0
  
  

• Insightful, practical, engaging--an exceptional book!  May 6, 2003 (60 of 75 found this helpful)

  When I obtained a copy of Crucial Conversations, I had very high expectations of this book having read the authors' outstanding earlier work, The Balancing Act. I must say I wasn't disappointed; in fact, I was delighted! Crucial Conversations is an extremely insightful and very practical book. Indeed, it is a very rare combination to find a book that contains profound ideas as well as provides actionable tools and Crucial Conversations delivers both.

  The book addresses a topic that is largely misunderstood and vastly underestimated: high stakes dialogue. The authors define crucial conversations as those where 1) stakes are high, 2) opinions vary, and 3) emotions run strong, or in other words, much of both our professional and personal lives. We're all involved in crucial conversations at home and at work but most of us are not very aware of the interpersonal dynamics at play and/or we're unskilled in how to respond differently. The book helps the reader first understand the principles involved in "crucial conversations" but then also helps the reader develop real skills and abilities to choose or change their communication patterns. The end result is remarkable. The book's impact is a much bigger idea than simple communication--it's all about effective human interaction and getting results with and through people.

  The book is highly readable, extremely engaging and actually quite fun. It is filled with illustrations and stories from all walks of life: business examples, personal examples and family examples. The fact that the principles and skills the authors teach can be applied in all dimensions of life--work, home, personal--is very appealing to me and made the book extremely helpful on many fronts.

  I benefitted most from this book from a business standpoint and have found that applying these skills has made a real difference at work. I'm more courageous and more considerate at the same time. I understand people better but I especially understand myself better. I'm far more conscious and aware of my dialogue with others and I've greatly improved my skills and abilities to lead effectively. The bottom line is, I'm helping my company get better results and I'm far more effective personally. If more people in business were to apply these principles and skills in the frequent crucial conversations they have at work, they would make better decisions, achieve better results and do it all in a way that would build the trust and strengthen relationships. I couldn't give a book higher marks. Outstanding!

• This Book is REQUIRED READING for my Company!  Jun 26, 2002 (208 of 275 found this helpful)

  PAY THE [money] this book costs and avoid costly litigation, improve your communication, better manage expectations, defuse pent up emotions, and let your company be more productive!

  I just finished Crucial Conversations and the first thing that I did as I laid down the book, was to log on to Amazon and order 30 copies to give to the managers within my company. I am the owner of my company of 600 employees and I am constantly searching for better ways to improve communication among our staff and employees. I am going to make sure that my HR team includes these principles into their training.

  As I read through this book, I found that so many of our issues within the company would have been eliminated or diminished if we had embraced and utilized the tools laid out within this book. I could have avoided a costly lawsuit if these principles had been utilized when we were disciplining and eventually terminating an unproductive employee.

  The authors have blended the humor of Dilbert, with the vision of Stephen Covey, with the practicality of consultants who have been down in the trenches of some of the biggest corporations in the US. It is an easy and enjoyable read.

  I also found as I read the book that I kept thinking about how to use these tools to improve the conversations in my personal life, with my wife and with my children. I would love to see a second book that focused on Crucial Conversations at Home.

• I am not entirely sold on this one  Feb 25, 2005 (62 of 82 found this helpful)

  I bought this book because: 1) I want to be better in communication (in general) and; 2) it had great reviews (Steve Covey!!). I finished it in 4 days and must say I was not all that impressed.
  It reads like a text-book in that they (the authors) are always asking us to apply some new system of operation. They remind us that one reading is not enough and much time must be spent in mastering their principles. The principles do appear correct, well considered, and are clearly proposed. They are certainly getting back to the basics of communication and there are a few wonderful revelations (but nothing earth shattering).
  Further, the book has a behavioral science/study feel to it but no footnotes or extensive referencing is made. The case studies are general and simple- the examples throughout the book are slightly feeble and even more simple. I was continually bothered in reading a book based on years of "research" which was void of notated study/notes/details. In the end, it lacks experiemental conviction and convincing.
  I appreciated the effort made to present information and models in simple ways. I appreciate the motivational tone of the book. But, I was seeking something new and exciting- some earth shattering information based on years of study.
  In the end, this book is a simplistic discussion of healthy dialogue which is presented in clever models. It is not a page turner!!
  Its greatest flaw is the absence of solid case study or examples; its greatest strength is its simple presentation and kind tone.
  There has got to be better texts available on the subject....

• A book that makes a difference  Jul 17, 2005 (17 of 21 found this helpful)

  When I read this book, I learned why so many people with good intentions destroy relationships, and how to teach others how to minimize destructive conversations. The key issue here is to never compromise safety in these conversations. This is an excellent book. I strongly recommend this book, and the author's sequel, Crucial Confrontations. [...]