Boundaries

When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

4.1 based on 1179 reviews.

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Paperback Book

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Product Description

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

Product Details

  • Media: Paperback Book, 304 pages
  • Publisher: Zondervan (Mar. 31st, 2002)
  • ISBN-10: 0310247454
  • ISBN-13: 9780310247456
  • Dimensions: 5.65 x 8.31 x 0.87 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 0.83 lbs

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Customer Reviews

  • Book Rating 4 out of 5
    Read Reviews on Goodreads

    by Kim from The United States | Oct 27, 2007

    I really recommend this biblically based book to anyone who struggles with saying "no" or those who allow others to take advantage of them in just about any way (time, money, favors, services, etc.). The first few chapters help the reader understand what boundaries are and that they are not selfish at all, in fact, they are necessary to protect us. Then the book uses examples of types of problems people have setting and maintaining boundaries (fear of anger, rejection, loss of a friend). When you choose to say "yes" to something are you saying "yes" because you feel an obligation to the person? Or are you afraid they will be angry if you say no or you will hurt them because they won't get to do what they want to do? Or is it because you truly want to help out? Are you feeling resentful when you say "yes" to others? Is your "yes" enabling another to be too dependant on you? If you say "no" will you hurt the person's feelings? What do you do if that happens? How do you set limits with someone in a compassionate way that isn't condemning? I really learned a lot in this book and have already put some of it into practice. Easy read, great to do with a friend or in a group to help hold each other accountable and even practice saying "NO" with your friends!


     2 people found this review helpful


  • Book Rating 5 out of 5
    Read Reviews on Goodreads

    by Nola from Pottsville, PA | Jun 17, 2008

    I listened to this on tape while driving, but I intend to go back and read it (probably more than once) so that it can more thoroughly seep into my head. This is a great book for anyone who has problems saying 'no' to family, friends, church assignments, coworkers, or themselves. It's really good for anyone who has a *RELATIONSHIP* with any of the aforementioned, which is essentially everyone.
    *************
    FOLLOWUP: I had to return this to the library, without finishing it. I am having a very difficult time with nonfiction books right now, especially ones that inspire me to take notes (I filled up five pages after getting about 2/3rds of the way through). This is definitely a book worth reading, when you can give it your full attention. Unfortunately, I'm in need of more escapism and fun right now than thought-provoking, so I'll have to check it out again at a later date. But it is a fantastic book, and I'm glad I listened to it.


     2 people found this review helpful


  • Book Rating 5 out of 5
    Read Reviews on Goodreads

    by Thea from  | Oct 23, 2008

    People with healthy boundaries take responsibility for their own behaviors, their own values, and their own lives. If your life is filled with more of what you don't want and not enough of what you do want, your boundaries may not be what they should be. The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us.

    Setting and keeping your boundaries (and honoring the boundaries of others) is a way to exhibit self-respect, increase the respect shown to you by others, and build trust and stability. But boundaries do not come naturally or easily to everyone. If you want to learn about boundaries, or teach your child(ren) about boundaries, this book is a good place to start.

    This book is biblically based.


     2 people found this review helpful


  • Book Rating 4 out of 5
    Read Reviews on Goodreads

    by Michelle from The United States | Aug 23, 2008

    This is an excellent book. I actually purchased and read a newer edition, with a white and red cover.
    This book could apply to many different troublesome situations. If you're a people pleaser that tends to get stressed out, there are some really helpful things in here. Or if you are liable to be taken advantage of.
    I like the Christian viewpoint, because it takes into account the fact that followers of Christ WANT to serve others and not be "selfish." Yet it also teaches why we must set boundaries so that we don't "run faster than we have strength."
    From a grief point of view, this wasn't as helpful as I had hoped. My therapist said to apply it to internal boundaries. I'm still trying to understand exactly how to do that. . . .


     1 people found this review helpful


  • Book Rating 5 out of 5
    Read Reviews on Goodreads

    by Redgeorgiadawg from Murfreesboro, TN | Dec 9, 2008

    LOVE IT! Amazing how these authors empower you by accurately describing relationships for what they are and how to make them better. Work, children, spouse, they tackle it all. I'll keep this book forever. I may never take it off of my currently reading shelf.


     1 people found this review helpful


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